In regards to this blog, I seem to have one persistent question rolling through my head: "Should I keep doing it?" Then I think about the excuse that is foremost in my mind, prompting today's repetition of the question. But I am not enhancing my writing by writing it. But nobody cares anyway. But it takes time. But I don't need one more thing on my to-do list. Then I always (and quickly) come back to the same reason to continue writing it: it is changing me.
It is true that I wanted to write this more for working on my writing than to actually re-mold my thought processes and perception of beauty. But I did want that to be a result of the blog as well. I also thought it would be cool to have a secret, anonymous blog and to see how many people actually would read it.
As I have added my posts, I have cared much less about my writing skills and MUCH less about seeing if anyone was reading it than I thought I would. That's not what this is about for me anymore. Now it is about noticing the beautiful things in my life and appreciating them. Now this is about continuing to train my mind to focus on the beautiful moments in life and to find beauty where I wouldn't have noticed before.
As I mentioned on Sunday's post, there were many things that were beautiful to me that day. My heart was in a raw and weary state, and I craved connection, beauty, reassurance, and grace. That is what I got. Then yesterday, Monday, I had a rough day and once again needed someone to speak God's peace to me. I found myself wishing it were Saturday night so that I could have my Sunday fix of study, worship, fellowship, and accountability. But it was only Monday...
Today I had a few things to do, but when I woke up I had no idea what kind of day it would be. It ended up being another rejuvenating and just-what-I-needed kind of day.
Beauty #1: My friend called just as I was leaving my house and we had a nice catch-up talk. Every time I am with her I enjoy myself. She has a way of making people feel welcomed. She helps you feel like you are an important part of her day.
Beauty #2: I had to go to a hotel to meet a contact for a new ministry. The woman I met at the hotel was so friendly and helpful. She will make sure everything I need is available or gets done. She will offer me a meeting space and help me spread the word about what we are doing. We just met today. Wow.
Beauty #3: I have been trying to coordinate something for three months, and for awhile I didn't think it would work out. Today I was finally able to do what I had set out to do, and it was so good.
Beauty #4: I met another woman through a friend. She is a grandmother, a great-grandmother in fact, the kind you picture when you think of sweet, friendly grandmothers. I know she has her shortcomings, but today all I saw was the embodiment of beauty. I sat at her kitchen table and talked like we had known each other for quite awhile. I didn't realize this at the time, but looking back, it felt just like I was talking with my own grandmother, who passed away 8 years ago. No wonder I felt so at home with her. I can't wait to go back and visit with her again.
Beauty #5: I had my favorite kind of smoothie for lunch and then got to spend time watering all of my plants, which is one of my favorite summer activities. I love to spend time looking at each plant and marveling at how fast (or slow) it has grown, and find out what kind of care it needs (weeding, more water, etc).
Beauty #6: I met with the couple that hired me to dogsit this summer. I did this last year as well, so I felt comfortable going into their home and getting a refresher on the dog details. It was also fun to see the dogs again and catch up with this couple. I am eager to enjoy these dogs again this summer, and they blessed me with some payment up front. I totally wasn't expecting that little blessing.
Beauty #7: I started a new class tonight. Two nights a week for five weeks. Methods for teaching social studies. It could be completely awful. I mean, who liked social studies as a kid? Not many of us would say that they did. But the teacher is a real enthusiast and has a ton of experience being that Jaime Escalante-type teacher. She did three things tonight that I have never in this program or my undergrad experienced. She engaged us all in talking about ourselves and what brought us to this career-change program. Not just the "tell me your name and a fun fact about you" but actually helping us to learn about where each other is at in life. Then she gave us a break but gave us an article to read over break. No one has ever usurped my break like that at school, and it actually worked really well. I didn't feel cheated out of a break, I didn't feel pressure to read this article for homework or during class, and it was a really good article. Third was that she kept us until 8:30 and I didn't even notice the time flying by. In the past teachers have tried to keep us the full three hours but we just tune out by the end and complain about the teacher later. Not tonight. She was engaging. She was contagiously excited about the topic. And I didn't notice the time flying by for the first time ever.
Beauty #8 A girl in my class needed a ride to the train. I happen to live next to the train, so it only made sense to take her. We got a chance to talk a little bit, and it sounds like her background is completely different than mine, yet we have a lot in common. I really like her and I am excited to get to know her more. If I hadn't gotten to drive her, I don't think I would have ever talked to her about our lives. She is so sweet, and I feel like I have so much to learn from her. People in class were saying how nice I was to give her a ride. If they only knew. I am the one who has been so blessed today. I am just so thankful for the surprise blessings of beauty that floated into my life today.
Going back to the way I began this blog, I don't think today would have been anything more than a good day without this blog. I would have felt good at the end of it, but I don't think I would have recognized the beauty that I got to experience. I don't think I would have appreciated the tender hearts of the people I met or the blessings that arrived just when I needed them after feeling down yesterday. What a gift this blog has been to me.
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