One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 27:4-5
This verse continues to pop up in my life. It comes when days are hard, when the future looks dismal, when I am exhausted and want only deep and all-encompassing rest (as opposed to fitful sleep full of weird dreams of my day-time realities in monstrous forms).
Today was not a good day at work. It was a hard day, full of disappointment in myself, frustration that I have not been a good enough teacher to "fix" certain things by now, snowballing negative thoughts that I will never get a job and never be as good a teacher as I want to be...
But through it all, I felt myself clinging to the Lord. Through it all, my heart remembered the most important thing, that Jesus is Lord and Master, and that I am here only to serve and glorify him. Not to look good because I am a good teacher, not to seek wealth or fame or financial security. Today I want to dwell in the house of the Lord and to gaze upon his beauty, and I am even grateful for the frustration and disappointment of the day because they served to draw me closer to Jesus. And that is what I have been asking for.
