10 weeks ago I squeezed 70 days onto my 4-week dry-erase calendar. I wanted to have a visual of how much time I had left student teaching. It wasn't that I wasn't enjoying it, or just wanted it to be over, but I needed to have an end in sight, and I needed to keep an understanding that time was short (or long, depending on the day) with the students that I had.
Today I erased the last day on that calendar. Yesterday was my last day. I moved out of the classroom, took all of my lesson plans, coffee mugs, and drawings from the students home with me.
I woke up yesterday with a feeling of thankfulness. Thankful for what God has taught me, done in me, how he has sustained me through this. 16 weeks ago, when this all began, I wasn't so sure I would make it out alive! Now I can finally turn the page and reflect on what I have learned (oh wouldn't my professors be so proud that I am actually choosing to reflect after being forced to write hundreds of reflections the last two years). I am so very thankful for this experience, for my students, for my new teacher friends, for everything, good and bad, that helped shape me into the teacher that I am now, and the teacher I will continue to become.
I also woke up praying about trust. I trust God will be glorified through my life, and that matters more to me than having an easy path, knowing exactly where I will be next semester or year, knowing that I will ever get a job doing what I love...I just want him to be glorified through my life, and that is a cool feeling. I don't often have that trust in the entryway to uncertain times. Here I am, leaving a "job" (however unpaid it may have been, it was still a job), with nothing on the [visible] horizon. But I trust God. He has always been so good to me in my life, even when I was in a place I thought was horrible or never-ending or whatever the circumstance may have been.
This trust and thankfulness was even more surprising to me because on Thursday I had an interview that I thought I blew. The second I walked out the door of the interview, I was overwhelmed with sadness and frustration that I had an opportunity to have a long-term sub position for the spring and I had just shot myself in the foot. I was sad on Thursday, mad at myself, and had little hope about the position, especially having heard how many candidates they had interviewed.
Yesterday, Friday, I was called down to the office to hear about the job. What a fast turnaround- does this mean that they knew without a doubt that I wasn't right for it? Or could I hang on to a thread of hope? With it being my last day, I wasn't as consumed by thoughts about the job as I was about leaving my kids. Whatever happens, happens. I am still trusting God.
Turns out I got the job, so I will have work from February through the end of the year! How wonderful to get paid to do something I love! I'm so excited to continue with this school, to try my hand at kindergarten, to get my feet wet a little bit more. I feel blessed beyond blessed. I get to see my 2nd graders from time to time, I get a whole new class of kindergartners, who I will meet on Tuesday, and I get to stay at a school I love.
Usually when I'm learning about trust the answers don't come so readily!
My last day was Friday. On Monday I go to set up my subbing stuff. Tuesday all day I observe my new class and the teacher I am filling in for. Wednesday I have a final dinner for student teaching. Friday I go back for my 2nd graders "holiday" party. So yesterday wasn't really the end at all, just a wonderful day of celebration, permission to sleep a little bit more, and a great excuse to go out with friends afterward.
Bring on the kindergartners!
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